Spiraling Down into an Angry Cesspool

This sorta fits my title.  Just trying to use my own photos.  Hubby said something like it is illegal to use other people’s images for my blog. 😉 oops, my bad.  (These are the funny pictures I find after my kids have my phone)


I am in the laundry room and all I can spell is dog crap.  I look down and realize I stepped in a big pile of dog poo and tracked it in through my kitchen, down my hall, into the laundry room and into the garage.  

My attitude is turning ugly fast.  

I can feel the anger rise.
I can sense my facial expression turning sour with curled lip, tense forehead and eyebrows.  

Bitterness is growing towards the dog and the kids who did not pick it up.

Not very nice words are swirling around in my mind.  

Just because I did not yell them out does not make it any better- they are there and I don’t want them there.  

This interruption to my day is quickly revealing the state of my heart and revealing ugly I don’t want to see.

I am noticing my quick temper and my desire to growl at my kids.

I then bark at my kids to stay upstairs and play while I clean up crap.  I recognize my slippery slope into an angry funk and I don’t want it to continue.  So I decide to turn on my free Pandora app- The David Crowder Band Radio.  I know I need something positive right now because I am feeling so funky.  

As I am on my hands and knees (a mop won’t cut it especially since it has been months since I last washed them) scrubbing I notice the music is on but I am still fuming in my mind.  So I know I need to not just listen but also sing, that will help my funk. 

Some of the lyrics of Hosanna by Hillsong are:

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

As I look at my rag that is now filthy from my floors it makes me think how God wants to clean my heart just like I wanted to rid my floors of crude.  There is yuck, ugly, filth in my own heart that I need to work on.  

My anger

My quick, sharp tongue

My bitterness

My impatience
I just read a quotation from Chuck Swindoll in the The Power of a Half Hour, “We have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for the day.”  The choice is mine how I respond to this set back/interruption.

I had a choice on my reaction and my attitude.  I decided to change my attitude and let this be time where I could be alone (they played upstairs with just a few, “I’m hungry” etc) mostly and just spend time worshipping God through music.  I had to choose the positive.  My floors are now clean.  It was something I kept putting off since it is so labor intensive. (one day I will buy a cool steam vac thingee)


The title makes me think of a punk band called Blenderhead and their album was called Cesspool.  That was back in the day when hubby and I would go to concerts almost every weekend.  ahhh…. high school love.  That is how I wooed him into being my boyfriend.  I would ask him for rides to all these local Christian concerts.  And bought his favorite album (The Prayer Chain-Shawl) and his favorite movie (Wayne’s World) and studied them.  I could write a whole post on how to be a stalker. 😉

cess·pool
ˈsesˌpo͞ol/
noun
  1. an underground container for the temporary storage of liquid waste and sewage.
    • a disgusting or corrupt place.

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3 comments

  1. Samantha · March 26, 2015

    seriously friend…have you been in my head???? This was totally me yesterday evening after Addy wanted to “help” poor my tea and the top came off the pitcher and baptized the floor in sweet tea…sticky sweet sugary tea! I felt even worse for being upset b/c she was trying to be helpful and it just.went.wrong. She ran out of the kitchen crying saying “Im sorry Mama”…which made me feel even worse. Ugh! Thanks for this post…just.what.I.needed! Love you friend!

    Like

  2. Amy West · March 26, 2015

    Thank you for sharing and being so transparent. I love reading your blog posts

    Like

  3. Kimi · March 30, 2015

    Thanks ladies. I love journaling. So good for my heart and then I also believe that I can't be the only one wrestling with this stuff so I have to share it. 🙂

    Like

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