“Mama wanna sit with me?”

Those are some of the sweetest words I can hear from my kids.  While Isaiah was eating his muffin after waking from his nap- he asked me that.

There was no plan, just sit with me.  Just be with me.

I have heard similar requests a whole lot more lately.  I believe that is because I have made it a goal of mine to focus on the word “gentleness” this year, 2013.  It was something that I felt the Lord put on my heart.

My kids are finding me to be more pleasant to be around.  Which of us likes to be around someone who is quick to anger?

I am sad to say they don’t experience a gentle mom a majority of the time but rather a mom who

• is stressed and rushing around and blaming them for her lateness

• is grumpy and takes out her frustrations on them

• is irritable and quick to get frustrated and angry(I foolishly thought that I had every right to be upset and that is was ok to take it out on these beautiful little ones that the Lord has entrusted to me).  True, I may have good reasons to be upset but  I am learning from Lysa Terkeurst in her book Unglued- “I can face things that are out of my control and not act out of control.”

It was my sweet little daughter, Joy(age 4 at the time) who shared something that broke my heart. So thankful it did because it opened my eyes to the ugly that I had allowed in my life.

While tucking her in bed she said, “I have something to tell you but I am scared.  Scared you will get mad and yell at me.”

Me-“No honey, I won’t, I love you.

Joy- ” You know our sticker chart- well I want the most stickers.”

So I thought she may have snuck some stickers and put them on herself.  But she said no while crying, “I get all those stickers cause I want to have the most.  I could not tell you for days because I was scared to tell you.”

Broke my heart that she feared sharing something with me.  I WAS NOT A SAFE PLACE for her to share what was on her heart.  I ought to be, no excuses.  So that night I resolved not to raise my voice at them.  Wish I can say I have done that perfectly.  I can’t but I have made huge progress.  There is grace from God when I mess up and seek his forgiveness.  And the crazy thing is that my kids extend me grace too when I seek their forgiveness.