The Peace Pixie

I am sending a card to a friend and inside the card it says, I’m asking Him to hold on to you extra-tight as He helps you through this.”

For my friend there is not a clear end to the “this” she is dealing with. There’s not really even a “this”, like a future event to endure and get through. But more of a God sustaining her through this. There are some burdens/heaviness that do not have a clear endings if at all.

I have a current situation that I would love a clean cut and a clear wrap it up with a nice bow tied on top kind of ending. I wish I could be done with it and put it up on the shelf and only recall it when I like which would be never if I could choose because it has been a source of pain and suffering that I would not have knowingly signed up for.

Do I ask God to remove this from my life? ABSOLUTELY I do. I have been trying to pray it away for the last 8 years. And I am not going to lie, I am hoping to gain significant relief from it this year. But in the midst of asking God to remove it, I also want to be open and surrendered if He chooses to allow it in my life. This takes true surrender because my small human mind sees all the rational reasons why this chaotic situation needs to be kicked to the curb. But it is ultimately out of my control. There are other factors at play that I do not get to choose.

So I have a choice, how will I live with this source of annoyance/suffering/pain?

I will not allow it to overtake me.

I will not allow it to overwhelm me.

I will take “this” and keep putting it in the hands of my Heavenly Father though I often attempt to take it back and solve things on my own. But sometimes things cannot be solved. Sometimes heartaches have to be managed.

I have to take this “this” and not let it define me.

I cannot let it steal all my energy and life force.

I have to find ways to take “this” and let it grow me because the alternative is to stay stuck and pissed over it.

I will learn strategies to deal with the fight or flight symptoms in my body when the dread comes to the pit of my stomach.

I will put in necessary boundaries to protect my peace and sanity even if I cannot say goodbye.

I do have to allow myself to grieve over it. I need to allow myself to cry that this is not the way humans should live. This “this” is apart of a broken and hurting world. It is okay to grieve what feels like a dream lost or an expectation unmet. It is okay to say, “I didn’t dream it was going to be this way.”

Whether it be this situation or an unhealthy individual in my life who seeks to poo on me, I will take what they intended for ill and use it to my advantage. What was intended for poo, I will use as fertilizer to grow and enrich my life. This fertilizer wisdom I learned from Beth Moore’s book, Chasing Vines.

So whatever your “this” is, wherever it be an upcoming appointment, an ongoing sickness or a thorn in your side that you have no clear indications of it changing:

May you feel the Lord carry you when you feel done or ready to move on from “this”

May you unearth the treasures to be found in this looooonnnnng trial

May you walk with boldness and confidence when your foundation feels shaken

May you feel the peace of his love wrapping you close

May you feel seen when it feels like very few know this path you walk

May you find other people who share your suffering and walk with you and say, “Me too”

May you find courage when you feel done

May you find others to fill with courage when they feel done

May you know you are not alone