We are All Broken



We are all hurting in some way.

We all have things that we wish we put back together: a broken heart, a broken friendship, a broken relationship, a broken home, a broken marriage, a broken budget, a broken public school system, a broken prison system, a broken justice system, a broken/fragmented society and at times we can feel like a broken life.

There is hope.  Jesus is in the business of restoring broken things, putting them back together to create something beautiful.

We can feel like our broken will never amount to anything of worth and certainly not anything beautiful.

But when we take our broken pieces and bring them to a loving God (who sees us, who hears us and who loves us), He begins to help us put the broken pieces back together.

No one or nothing is so far gone that restoration is impossible.

I believe in renewal, redemption, restoration, rebirth, and resurrection.

I LOVE the music that Lecrae creates.  His song, Broken has been playing a lot in my mini van.😉

When Fear is Crippling

A video if you prefer to watch/listen than read

Screen Shot 2016-08-17 at 9.52.43 AMThis is what I see on my walk this morning.  It is almost a 2ft. copperhead, 10ft in front of me.  It has its head up and totally frozen.  We are both frozen, likely due to fear.  Seeing the copperhead stopped me dead in my tracks.  Thankfully not actually dead because it bit me;).  I am not moving.  I do not know what I should do.  Do I throw something near it to scare it away into the grass?  Do I just walk around it?  So I just stand there frozen.  About a minute later I see a neighbor is jogging barefoot right towards it.  I call out, “Sir, watch out there is a copperhead.”  He nonchalantly grabs a giant limb he found and starts to nudge it back into the forest.  No jumping or squealing with fear like I would be if I moved the snake out of the road.  Number one- I would have never done that.  I am too much of a giant chicken butt.

This dude had no fear.  After removing the snake he tells me, “I have already killed 5 this year (it is only august).  For the copperhead population there is usually only 1 per acre but many more this year.  There are fighting for territory.  They are going after the mice.  So if you have mice, deal with those.  Don’t bother the black snakes.  They eat the mice and fight off the copperheads.  None of the home remedies work to keep them out of your yard.  Just take care of the mice and be careful in the grass (leaves, pine needles etc.).  Just give them 4 or 5 feet, they will not normally strike at you.”

I am trying to walk a mile most mornings.  It is mostly for my soul.  I love the silence and solitude (why we need to press pause).  It is a time I can let go of things I am fretting over.  It is freeing to release these worries/fears in prayer.  On this walk I am talking a lot with God about my fears and my tendency to live in a place of fear (check out this book I have been reading about developing a conversational relationship with God, watch the 1st short video).  Over the past 2 years I feel like God has opened my eyes to see how much fear controls me.  Fear of others opinions, fear of the future, fear of death, fear of sickness, and the list goes on.  The past month the word freedom and fear keep coming to me.  I have so much more to share how God has been speaking so clearly to me on that.  I am realizing that God want me to walk in freedom and not fear.

So while on my walk I am praying about how I can go about walking in freedom and not fear.  I am feeling led to look up and highlight all the verses on fear in my Bible.  I once heard that there are over 200 commands of “Do not fear.”  Why does He tell us this so much in His word (the Bible) because he knows our human tendency to be paralyzed by fear.  So that is my first step in this freedom from fear journey.  I’ll share more as I learn more.🙂

Side note: My hubby is my hero.  I am so technology challenged.  He patiently took 15 minutes to walk me through how to get this picture from my phone to my blog.  It is amazing how he can see my computer screen while at work and also take control of it and do it all while being miles away. Mind blowing!

Awesome song for when my fear is crippling

I am my Own Worst Critic!!

I can be so hard on myself.

Like over the top, unfairly so.

While I am making my kids lunches I start to get frustrated with myself.  I am frustrated that I have not better planned for these lunches.  I am scrounging my cupboards and fridge trying to figure out what to send in the lunches.  Then that leads to frustration that I have not been able to better plan our breakfasts.  Every morning for a while now, kids ask “What’s for breakfast?”  I reply, “Whatever you can find.”  Then I get frustrated that our dinners have felt pretty similar.  “What’s for dinner?”  …. “Uh…. let me find something.”

I get frustrated that we eat the same meals each week.  Now after reflecting I see how silly this. My fridge and cupboards are full.  There are so many mamas world wide and millions here in these states that open an empty fridge and wonder how they will feed their kids.  But in the moment this morning, I am not thinking rational.  I am not living from a place of gratitude.

While making lunches I am focusing on holding the floodgates closed.  I gotta wait til they all get out the door then I will let the tears.  I don’t believe in hiding my emotions or tears from my family.  I don’t think that is healthy.  But this morning I rationalize that if these tears come now it will delay Jeremy taking the kids to school so I wear the mask.  I know totally not healthy or wise.  I am not thinking very wise at this point.

I give hugs and kisses as they head out the door.  That was a close one, I barely was able to keep that mask on.  Once I hear the truck drive away I give myself permission to let it out.  The tears stem from the negative junk I had been thinking on.  I had been dwelling on lies, absurdities. Things like:

  • Why can’t I get organized?
  • Why can’t I provide clean underwear for my family? (seriously laundry is constant;)
  • Shouldn’t I be able to keep my sink clear of dirty dishes?
  • Why is my desk covered in a million post its?
  • Why can’t I style my new haircut cute like my hairdresser?
  • I am disappointing my husband and my kids

That last lie was so absurd that it helped me to snap out of it.  Here is some of my inner dialogue ( I talk to myself a lot, I live in my head especially since I am a uber reflective introvert): “kimi, that is crazy.  There is no way Jeremy and your kids would say they are disappointed. They do not feel let down.”

I come downstairs and find a timely text from a special friend and mentor.  Her text reads, “Good morning, “Lovely Lady”, may this day bring you the sweet peace of Jesus as you delight in his presence.”  This is a reminder that I need to take these tears and lies to God so that I can focus on his words and truth towards me.  I know my soul needs to sit and be still and focus on his love and truth.

So I sit and listen to my Pandora Bethel Music Station.  Praise music is such an amazing balm to a hurting heart/soul.  I close my eyes and meditate on the lyrics.   There is one point where the lyrics bring  tons of tears- “your love so deep is washing over me”-Sinking Deep by Young and Free.  God loves me.  My worth is not in being a great housekeeper or cook.  He is not disappointed in me.

I know I need to be still longer so I listen to a few more songs to help me flip my perspective and not be consumed by these negative lies. There are some amazing lyrics that speak straight to my heart from How Can it Be? by Lauren Daigle.  “I’ve been hiding.  Afraid I’ve let you down…. But in Your eyes there’s only grace now…. You gave your life to give me mine.  You say that I am free.”

Just last night (like seriously less than 12 hours ago) I just journaled (How I find life from journaling) on this verse- “So Christ has truly set you free.  Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.”  In my journal I wrote, “My soul feels free and unencumbered.  Jesus frees me.  To follow Jesus is freedom.  Freedom from guilt, freedom from worry, freedom from living in fear of what others think of me, freedom from racism.  So much freedom if I embrace it.  I can often chose to live in chains and bondage.  I can live in the bondage to guilt the eats away at me.”

The negative thoughts I was dwelling on was not freedom.  Those lies are not from Jesus and he does not want me to live in those chains.  He has set me free.  Free from lies I want to believe about myself.  More on the freedom Jesus offers in my next post.

Choosing to Rest

This is an older post that I forgot to post.  But it is perfect because I teach on taking a day off this Sunday at Story Church.
We were snowed in this week with only like 4 inches of snow.  I don’t know how many actual inches we received this week but it is nothing compared to our Northern friends.

School was cancelled for 3 days.  It was an unexpected gift.

We played lots of games.

The girls were busy constructing doll furniture out of popsicle sticks and hot glue.  Impressive.

book shelf (she cut all these with gardening sheers)



refrigerator with ice tray and ice




dresser complete with clothes paid of felt


toy box



tv, recliner and sofa

We started 2 puzzles, the huge kind with 1000 pieces.

We spent hours sledding.

I spent almost zero time on my computer, emails, etc.

We read lots of books.  Jeremy is reading The Bourne Ultimatum, I finished The Irresistible Revolution: living as an ordinary radical, I started When Helping Hurts, Jeremy reads lots of Narnia and  The Jesus Storybook Bible to the kids.

We pretty much stayed in our jammies (pajamas) for days.  Who needs a shower?😉

All this rest on these snow days made me think of the practice of honoring Sabbath.  Out of all the ten commandments there is only one that starts with “remember.”  We are told by God to remember the Sabbath.  God wanted to give us a day off each week.  We are told to remember because it is all too easy to forget.  post on sabbathYou Need This!- another post on rest

… just let me send one more email

… hold on, I can play in a minute after I finish this load of laundry

… I just need to check if I have any messages on Facebook (because we can’t make people wait a whole 24 hours to get a response!)

… just a minute,  I can read you that book after I finish the dishes

…  I just need to finish up this last thing

“What would it look like if just you and your family remembered?  What would happen if the Lord whispered, “Begin, sweet Sabbath”- and you listened?”- from a favorite book, 24/6 : a prescription for a healthier, happier life

We take 24 hours off every friday 5:00pm-Saturday 5:00pm.  Cell phones off.  Emails ignored. Lots of yummy food.  Lots of play.  Couch time cuddled up watching a movie with popcorn.  Ice cream.  Naps.   Reading.   Enjoying nature (but not tomorrow- it is painfully cold).




It is like God gives us a snow day every week with the gift of Sabbath.

Will you accept the sweet gift?

Why Do I Rush My Kids so Much?

This is advice I try to give myself.  It has taken me over a decade of being a mom to figure this out.

I used to be in such a rush. I often was running late not because of them but because I was a poor planner.  True, I was so busy putting out fires but if I just started getting us all ready earlier or even prepped the night before, there would have been less mornings where I made my kids cry with yelling and rushing.

Life is precious but it is hard to notice that we are busy rushing.  I once read 6 ways to be a more joyful mom and one of the tips was to stop rushing your kids.

I think how many times I stressed my poor kids out with my frantic pace.  What if I just stopped, took a deep breath and moved forward with as much grace and love and possible?

I have been learning as an adult to take moments to be still and be deep, like a recess,mini retreat for my soul.  As I slow down my own heart and pace then I go take more time with my kids. What’s the big rush anyway?

I love the posts written by blogger and author of Hands Free Mama.  Here is a wonderful post on the topic.  Reading her post inspired me to write mine.

Crazy Adventures with College Roommate

I had an amazing roomie in college.  She is a fun,crazy, silly, life of the party kind of person.  She had great wisdom and counsel for me. She encouraged me to grow.  She is also a nut! (in the most loving way).  I just loved her ability to laugh and bring laughter to a situation.  We had so much fun together.  We were constantly playing pranks on one another.  We had a list of 201 Ways to Annoy or Bother your Roommate and we regularly used them to make the other laugh.  I am certain we added many to that original list.  Her in her post, forkandbeans.com she reminded me of some of the silly things we did.  I was cracking up just rereading them.  P.S.  – I am pretty sure Cara, you peed your pants more than I did.😉  Bless you for putting up with my gassy self for 3 years!!!  Remember the time your cute print of Starry Night from Ikea fell on your head while you were sleeping.  mmm…Good times.  Now I am inspired to think of more of our crazy stories and write them down before I forget more.