Frazzled and Frustrated
This is far too often how I feel. I think it comes with being a stay at home mom with small kids.
If I could just solely focus on them and being their mom I would be better, still would have melt downs etc but I may feel like pulled since I have many roles-church planter, pastor’s wife, etc.
But the frazzledness(i think i made this up) comes when I have other things that need to get down(other tasks):
- and every other thing on my to do list on my weekly planner
Today I just found myself beating myself up for how undisciplined I am. I think how annoyed people with the strength of discipline(Check out Strength Finders 2.0 book to find out yours from a simple test) must be with they have to interact with me because most days I feel like a frazzled mess or like a chicken running around with its head off.
The frustration comes when I am pulled lots of directions when I am trying to focus on a particular task. I think “Man, if I wasn’t so unorganized and undisciplined in my schedule maybe I could get more done.”
I had to sit outside(because that is where I feel closest to God, listening to the leaves rustling…) and just cry out to Jesus- “Jesus help me, I feel so frazzled.”
I was reminded of something I read in Unglued(brilliant book). She said we often speak to ourselves with such negative and condemning thoughts(some may be mine and some from the enemy of my soul). Things like
– I am so messy
-I am so disorganized
-I am a wreck
– I’ll never get that garage organized
The author says to identify the lies you are believing, the labels you are putting on yourself. The truth is I am a child of God who has a messy garage not that I am a messy person.
She says to let that circumstance call you to action and not to mentally tear yourself down. Dont wallow in that. Do something. So I bought an ebook called 21 days to a Disciplined Life. 🙂 I have a long way to go but I am making “imperfect progress”, as the author calls it.
She says, “We are God’s workmanship! God is chiseling us(like Michelangelo’s David sculpture waiting to come out of that slab of marble), making us new, releasing us from our hard places- those places that make us feel so stinkin’ defeated-so we can do good works. Works God has prepared for us, which means He knows best how to prepare in us the character we need to fulfill our calling.”
I am learning discipline so that I can do what He has called me to do.