This is the follow up to sunday where i wanted to crawl in a hole. Next morning felt 100 times better without the funk. Couple things helped in that(of course Jeremy praying for me): a poem i rediscovered from my high school days(will post later) , a book I am reading which i share about later as well and reading my Bible.
Tonight after all the munkins were in bed I had some time to myself. I typically turn on the TV to veg or sometimes read from a book. But tonight i thought i would read my Bible. Honestly that typically does not cross my mind at this hour. When i do read my Bible it is usually in the morning or during naptime(notice it is when kids are sleeping and it is quiet :). In the past my Bible reading was something i saw as something to check off my list. I guess like the good spiritual thing to do. I always knew it was good for me to read my Bible but always found other things to occupy my time or made up excuses(too tired). So it did not get read as much as i would like. but since starting this new method, S. O.A. P- i love reading my Bible. Wow that probably sounds really bad from someone who has been a Christian for almost 20 years(seriously that makes me sound old) and a pastor’s wife. Do not get me wrong, the Bible has transformed me in many ways. I love to find verses that i can write out and share and memorize. but the discipline of regularly reading my Bible has never come easy. Often i would feel lost, where do i start?…..Or i would start the read the Bible in a year program thingee and poop out in March. But after starting this method, I am eager to see what God has for me. Tonight I was like (this is the dialogue in my head 🙂 “God what do you have for me today. I know you have something just for me because each time I pick up your Word it as though you speak straight to my heart). And He did it again! Totally perfect for where I am at. Perhaps He speaks because i am eagerly listening and approach reading with expectation of him speaking to my heart. So here is my S.O.A.P for today:
S.- the scripture is 2 Corinthians 5:16,”Therefore do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.”
O.- my observation- Paul the author is encouraging believers to keep pressing on
A. -my application-Yet again God is speaking directly to my heart. It is easy to lose heart and want to quit but I am encouraged not to lose heart. I was really losing heart on Sunday. The commentary in my Bible(so let me just say – i love the commentary cause sometimes i need anothers insight into what a verse means) said,”Don’t let fatigue, pain or criticism force you off the job.” Fatigue really almost got the best of me. I have really missed being in church, like i am at church but not in the service experiencing our music and the message. I have been feeling super burnt out because i have been serving almost every week in toddlers or babies for months. So i was encouraged to not lose heart.
I was reminded to see things with an eternal perspective. To remember why i serve. i teach the kids so that parents can be in service and be blessed. So that their parents can experience the living Jesus and they can be totally transformed and experience the love, joy, strength, peace, joy that Jesus gives. I also serve so the kids can learn about Jesus. God willing i will have decades to be in the actual church service but this is only a season until God sends us more people who have the heart to serve. And then when I think about all the stuff I have been upset about- it is nothing compared to what Paul(author of this letter in the Bible) and many Christians around the world today suffer through because of their faith. My situation is in no way suffering. I am fussing about missing church service. There are countless Christians worldwide that risk imprisonment and death if they are caught going to the underground church services. For them faith in Jesus is illegal in their country. I have no room to gripe. I have the freedom to worship the Lord, freedom to own a Bible in my language, freedom to read it whenever I like, freedom to teach my kids about Jesus, freedom to go to church, freedom to share my faith with others, freedom to meet together with other believers and so many more freedoms.
P.-my prayer: Thank you Jesus for giving me perspective. When i see things in an eternal perspective or in view of true suffering it helps me to not lose heart. What a complete turn around from Sunday with my bitter, crappy mood/attitude(believing the lies of Satan of self-pity, feeling owed and wronged….) to tonight- a heart of gratitude for all the freedoms I have and seeing serving as an opportunity. Thank you Jesus for transforming my hard heart. Thank you for renewing my heart daily. Thank you for not leaving me in my sin but always moving me to new things and changing me because i do not want to stay who i am.