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Some days, actually many days feel like the movie Groundhog’s Day.  The same grind each day.

I woke to a kid’s needs, came down the stairs to a disaster.

Even though I felt somewhat victorious yesterday since I washed clothes like all day yesterday yet laundry was not completed since my living room was littered with baskets of clean, unfolded laundry.

The island and all the counters were covered making it hard to prep breakfast and make lunches.

I also saw lots of dirt, tiny pieces of trash all over our dark wooden floors.

The living room never feels tidy and like a magazine cover (lol) since every space of our couches have to be covered with dollar tree laundry baskets in order to keep our large, very hairy, black lab off of them.  If we don’t cover them then more work is added to my plate by having to vacuum all the dog hair off.

The sink is full of dishes which seems impossible because I felt like I washed every dish we own yesterday.

Laundry is still not done because we are a family of 7 and I don’t even wash the 2 teens laundry.  My washer has not been able to spin out all the water from a washed blanket.  I have had a precious little one pee the bed 4 of the last 5 days.  So I take this uber heavy soaked blanket out back to try to hand wring it out and then drape it over some patio chairs to try to let it drip dry.  I know these are all first world problems.  But I was not in a state of gratitude just pure funk.

This is just some of the stress of physical things- now add in the behaviors of people that annoy me.  Seriously toddler must we start this day with a power struggle, battling again? Truly can no one pick up after themselves?  Who just put their smoothie cup in the sink instead of loading it into the dishwasher?  Who has 5 pairs of their shoes strewn across the floor instead of on the shoe rack? How long will everyone see the crusty piece of broccoli under the table and leave it there?  Who left the baby gate open at the top of the stairs and now the dog is getting another couch hairy?  Is it so hard to clean up the egg yoke now dried up on the counter?

I don’t take a breather, instead I start snapping at my family and yelling out commands to help bring some order to this chaos.

Slowly things are looking better but I am not feeling better.  I am just starting to brew with frustration.

Hubby kisses me before he heads out the door to take our oldest to school.  He says, “Let the older ones watch the baby.  Go take a walk.  It will be better for you and for the kids.” After almost 20 years of marriage, I am slowly learning to remember that his heart is good and he loves me.  The younger me would have snapped back at him and became defensive with some sharp comment like, “Well, if you…. blah, blah, blah.”  But in this moment there is not need for defense.  I am so thankful that he knows me better than I know myself.  He knows I need some quiet, some alone time, and some time with the trees.  He is 100% right.  And I am so grateful for his courage to share this wise insight with me.  He has brave because there have been times when such a suggestion would have caused me to grow a 3rd head.

He helped me realize that my frustration needed to be vented in a healthy way.  That hot steam had to be released and currently it was seeping out and burning others.  I needed to vent it through walking, getting outside and away, breathe deep, share with someone else and writing.  I find those are some of my favorite ways to help my soul. It is free therapy.

I often forget that the heavier my plate is, the more self care is needed.  My spiritual director taught me that several months ago after a panic attack.  I juggle alot and my tendency is to put everyone else’s needs before my own.  Hence the uber greasy hair I am sporting right now. It is way past cute messy bun.  It is more like I dipped my head in the the McDonald’s french fryer.

But the more I juggle, the more I need to remember that self care is a must in this juggling act.  If some things have to fall, self care cannot be one of them.  If I knew how to tweet that would be a fancy thing that you could click to retweet. ;). I have a twitter account thanks to hubby who set it up for me. But have not used it once. I don’t got time for that.

So my homework for the day, I know like I don’t have enough to do.  But this homework is self care.  I want to write out my self care plan on a paper plate.  I plan to write all I juggle and then want I can do that restores me in this madness.  For me that is solitude, silence, writing, napping, walking, reading, painting, organizing, purging the clutter, being in nature.