I remember one of the first times I said no to something that just felt like an obligation. It felt AWESOME!!! It felt so life giving.
Ever have those things come up that only feels like a should or ought? I am now trying to pay attention if I am doing something out of guilt or obligation. True there are many things I should do like pay my bills (praise God my husband does all that for me), pick up my kids from school, feed my kids, etc. What I am talking about is the extra stuff like the fifth birthday party we have been invited to this month. Or perhaps it’s that social event but honestly staying home in my PJs sounds a million times better.
“Are you free?” Just because I technically have that space open in my planner does not mean I have to say yes. So when you are asked that question here are some questions to ask yourself (and remember you can say “Let me get back to you.”):
- I may have the time but do I have the energy?
- Do I have the desire? (why do we ignore that one so much and just go along because someone else has the desire for us to do it)
- Why would I say yes? Is it because I truly want to or because I feel like I should?
- How does my schedule look? Do I have blank spaces/margin in my planner around the proposed event?
If I have had a really full weekend I will likely say no to a Sunday night thing because my soul just needs time to catch its’ breath. As an introvert (my personality type) I likely need more margin. I like to have time off in between events or hangouts. I need that time to myself.
Steps to Say No:
- Say no. 😉
- Offer no reason why. I have often felt compelled to share why or I worry what if my reason would not be viewed good enough to say no. I release that now and just say no. “Thank you but I’m sorry I will not be able to…..”. No one has to know your butt has an appointment with the smelly green recliner couch (the one that is so heavy and awkward that you keep it because you have no idea how you will get it out of your house to replace it)
- Feel no guilt or shame.
- Celebrate that you are learning healthy boundaries and working to keep your sanity. No to this thing = yes to sanity.
another post on how I am practically saying no and creating margin/space in my calendar
Love this! As someone who is also learning to say no, I always need to remind myself that I don’t owe anyone an explanation. Its such an empowering feeling 🙂