I just recently made a pinterest inspired art that says, “A thankful heart is a happy heart.”  I am insanely thankful for my kids.  I have always said that I would rather be grateful than a grumbler.  But I think as a human I can be both grateful and weary or grateful and exhausted or grateful and SPENT or grateful and desperately need alone time.

Today has been one of those days where if I hear “mama” one more time, i may lose my mind.  I know the title, mom, is a gift and a blessing because not everyone can have babies or can adopt or something else devastating has happened.  And I love how my kids call me mama.  It is special to them.  Just like some UK friends like when their kids call them “mummy” etc.  And I know one day I will miss it but right now is not a time when I miss it.

I had an ah.ha(spelling???) slash duh moment cause it is so obvious.  But I realized being a mom is so hard because my time is not my own.  When they are young they constantly need you and that is why the word “mama” is the most spoken word in the Copeland home.  I know many moms whose kids are all in school or they have left the nest and they so miss the days of feeling needed.  I am certain I will too but it is just hard to think of that in today.  It is hard to have a job where you are continually on call and needed in a million directions and often what you want to do is set aside.

Motherhood is such a selfless job.  It is hard to give and give of yourself.  It is hard to put the needs of others first all day long.  It is not a natural thing since we are selfish by nature as humans.  So naturally frustration mounts when there is no time to do what you want to do even if that is only have a few quiet moments to write an email.  

I thought a funny skit like on SNL or something would be like someone working at an office and have them experience what a mom experiences.  Like the camera captures them at their computer/desk and every few minutes and sometimes every few seconds have their name called out.  And their coworker keeps saying their name until their need is addressed.  Or their coworker yells out, “wipe my butt!”, or “I need a cup of water” or “Frank took my pen and won’t give it back” or “I’m hungry”(like more times you can count).  All these things happening while they are attempting to work at their desk.  It can truly feel maddening.  Just speaking from personal experience.  Like being sent away to the funny farm sounds appealing because then at least everyone is just talking to themselves and not to me.  See what crazy things a mom thinks. 🙂

My whole day did not start right which set me in a funk all day with a short fuse.  It is no excuse but i see why I am in a funk.  I had set my alarm for 5:30am. so i could walk to the lake for some solitude time.  Instead I chose to ignore it for sleep.  Now i wish I choose solitude over sleep.  My sleep ended by me hearing, “Mama, mama, mama, is it morning?”  Isaiah will stay in his bed and call for me until I come in and tell him he can get out of bed.  There is nothing terrible about how it started, I just regret not rising early so I could have that alone time.  I need the extended alone time weekly and then some daily solitude to focus on God and all he has given me.  It is like getting my heart in the right place before I attempt to do this insanely hard job.  Solitude gives me a chance to allow God to pour into my often empty cup.  I ask him to fill me with strength, peace, grace etc.

Many mornings sleep wins and then I think I actually lose.  The gift of quiet morning is like a present waiting to be opened but I often leave it on the table unopened.

As hard as it is, I am lucky. I have a hubby who is coming home to give me the night off, taking the kids to dinner and giving me the evening.  I think of all the moms who are not so fortunate, who have husbands who work the night shift so they don’t get the relief or the single moms who never get the rest.  Or the mom who moved to somewhere new and doesn’t know anyone yet to babysit her kids so she can go on a date or have time to herself.

I am so blessed.  I have many friends and family who offer to watch my kids so I can grocery shop alone.  Or a friend who has come and watched my kids so I can go for a run alone without the jogging stroller.  Or someone watching my kids so I can go on a date.  Jeremy and I have been able to get away for days at a time because we have loved ones who would care for our kids.  Or I have had people gift us with restaurant gift cards so I can have dinner with my bestfriend/hubby.   I am truly lucky.  A good thing to remember when i am feeling spent.