Running on Empty

man, this mom stuff is hard. i have been feeling like i am running on empty, with not much more to give. lately i have felt that out of all my roles(mom, wife, friend,pastor’s wife…), the one that i spend the most time and energy being is a housekeeper. having a newborn and a two year old tornado is hard. my six year is helpful and fairly easy but the younger two keep me going nonstop. one of my favorite quotes of all time is, “cleaning your house while your kids are young is like shoveling while it is still snowing.” it is insane how true this is. hannah often asks what the point of cleaning her room is cause it is gonna just get messy again. just like our house. but i know i have to keep shoveling otherwise we are gonna get snowed in. i have had to realize and accept that the driveway wont be clear of snow for awhile. that this is only a season. but it is a season every experienced mom says i will miss dearly. so amidst the chaos, butt wiping, meltdown adverting, toilet scrubbing, i need to remember to enjoy these sweet angels. after the girls were in bed i gave isaiah his bath. afterward i had him all bundled up on my chest and he was struggling with all his strength to lift his head to gaze up at me. and of course the tears start coming. probably partly cause i am so emotionally, physically exhausted which makes it easier for the water works. but they were also tears of joy. even though this is the hardest job i will ever have , i also know it will also be the most rewarding. these joyful moments i need to cherish and remember when i am feeling so weary. by the way, i am certain the word “weary” must have been coined by a mom with young kids. it is cool how God works. while feeling so pooped earlier this evening a verse came to my head. “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and i will give you rest.” just now i had to look up where that was and it is matthew 11:28. i know i have been so weary lately cause i have not had any silence and solitude. words that dont go with mommy. not only does my personality love these things but they are also spiritual disciplines that help your soul grow and connect you with Jesus. recently the time i felt most refreshed was when i went for a walk by myself with ipod listening to worship music. it was so good for my soul to be outdoors, alone and praising God. so it is after a hard night and couple of weeks that i realize that silence and solitude cannot be ignored and that i desperately need them for my sanity and soul.

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6 comments

  1. Samantha · May 8, 2010

    Girl, I should spank you!!!! Please let me know when you are feeling like this so I can bless you the way you are always SO quick to bless others! I know my house is always romper room lately, but heck, what is one more for a few hours….atleast they play together. Sometimes it is good to just hang out somewhere other than the same old four walls…and you are ALWAYS welcome at chez Thomas, I'll even fix you some lunch….I always enjoy your company! Love you and praying for you!

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  2. Kimi · May 11, 2010

    thanks lady. you are too sweet.

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  3. Jared · May 26, 2010

    Kimi. You're a genius and a saint. Thanks for being my mommy for two months. It was really important to me to see a loving mother in action. Hannah, Joy and Isaiah will will be blessed by the knowledge that their mom cares enough to work herself dry, unyeildingly giving of herself for the sake of her babies.

    p.s. I totally choked on my crackers when I read “Girl, I should spank you!” from that first comment.

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  4. Kimi · June 5, 2010

    oh jared, you are too kind. your cracker comment killed me

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  5. Heidi · July 30, 2010

    It is so amazing that we both have a baby, toddler and 6 year old! I understand what it is like to be “weary”… oh boy, do I ever! I just put my older girls to bed and was trying to get the baby to go to sleep too, but of course she didn't want to. Then I wrapped her and held her in my arms and she finally fell asleep, but I didn't want to put her in her crib. I think I could just watch her sleep for hours. It is hard to appreciate moments like this when we are running around like chickens with our heads cut off! Every now and then we just need to slow down and live in the moment. It is hard for me because I like to control situations and this includes the household chores and kid maintenance (I will blame Flo for that :). There are some things that don't need attention at this very moment… it can wait. I sure hope this party of 5 business gets easier! Thanks for showing me that I am not the only one!

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  6. Kimi · January 21, 2012

    I just reread this cause i am sending it to a friend who is expecting #3 to help her know it is a season. I wrote this when Isaiah was 2 months and he is now almost 2 years old. it does get easier. House is still in a perpetual state of chaos and i am cool with that.

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