Sugar, My BFF

Sugar you have been a horrible friend and certainly no BFF!!! Though we go way back, you’ve been in my life as long as I can remember.

I remember finding my dad’s hidden candy stash Violet Crumble and Haagen Dazs Coffee ice cream in the freezer.

I remember you in regular donut shop breakfast runs and basically candy coated cereals to start my day.

Sugar, I have felt like I could not do life without you.

Who would I call after a hard day?

Who would I celebrate with after a great day?

Who would comfort me on the couch after a long day of momming?

Who would I start my day with if it wasn’t you?

Who would I end my day with if it wasn’t you?

Who will I binge with til I feel sick?

But I haven’t been a good BFF either. I keep you hidden. I wait til the kids go to bed to hang out with you. I hide in the car after grocery shopping munching away on a giant candy bar. I am embarrassed to hang out with you as much as I do.

It has taken me a long time to recognize that sugar is my drug of choice. I often joke about my sugar addiction but it is a real thing. Both of my parents were drug addicts. I remember a friend sharing that it is common for children of addicts to struggle with sugar addiction.

Sugar is often not seen as a drug but it is evident that it is addictive based on my behavior. Right now at 6:30 a.m my stomach feels like junk. No doubt this is from the coffee ice cream I consumed at 10pm right before brushing my teeth. I asked my hubby to quietly get it for me and sneak it to me while hiding on the couch in the den. My kids have finely tuned ears for the freezer opening. Why do I need to hide? I don’t want them wanting it too. Would I need to hide if it was an apple? No;).

I remember another sugar lover share who even after she tossed it that she would later dig through her trash when a craving came. So she had to pour cleaner over the forbidden stash to stop herself. This was literally me this morning. There were some s’mores pies in there from the night before that were uneaten. Last night I did not eat them because I was holding off til I made the banoffee pie. But this morning I literally pondered if they were still good? What!?! True only entertained the thought for a second but yuck! These were even sitting near my toddler’s used wet pull-up. I could harp on myself for being so nasty 😉 but I think it speaks more to the addictive nature of sugar.

I think of how myself and my family at times have scoured the kitchen looking for our something sweet, our next “fix”.

The cravings can be so strong. I will often ask what harm will it do to indulge? I often hear, “all in moderation.” I have a hard time not going overboard. I think I deserve it because being a mom to littles is so hard! Or I think it will help me get through this sleepy mid afternoon time. But usually 20 minutes after I have had it the crash comes and I am more tired than before the sugary treat.

I have had food hangovers for sure. I likely have my whole life but only now starting to pay more attention to what my body is saying to me. I often wake with a headache. I will have no appetite clear into the afternoon. The thought of food makes me feel worse. Bloated like I am in my 2nd trimester of pregnancy. Yuck!! For what!?!?

A few months ago as I was thinking about sugar’s hold on me I looked up the definition of the word “indulge”. It means without restraint. No other place in my life besides food do I live without restraint. I don’t punt my kids like a football though I may want to. I restrain myself in so many areas because it is wisdom to live with boundaries.

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