Admitting That I Can’t Do it All

Here is an email I recently sent to a friend who wanted premarital counseling.  It is hard to come to terms that I am not super human.  But I know that I want to be healthy.  And one of the signs of emotional health is the ability to live with limits and to say no.

“My heart has been there in wanting to do premarital counseling but as you can tell it has not happened yet.  An area in my emotional health that i struggle with a ton is living with limits and learning to say no.  I always want to help people and not disappoint so i say yes.  I want to think I can do it all.

 But recently I am learning that I cannot and should not do everything.  I have been running at a pace that is not sustainable and my body paid for it.  Most of December I had bad headaches.  I had taken over in leading kids ministry.  It was not an area of strength for me so I felt stressed and weak doing it.  Doing that for months caught up with me.  It wasn’t until I felt like breaking that I realized I need to step down and pass it onto someone else.  Praise God we found someone.  She is far more equipped than I am to lead that.
But it took feeling totally worn thin and on the verge of breaking for me to recognize this.  I told jeremy that if we got called to adopt kids, I currently did not feel like I had the capacity to add more to my life.  So something had to change.  I am realizing I need a season of slowing down and strengthening my soul so to be ready for my soon to be kids. And honestly a season for my soul to be strengthened just for my own well being.

All that to say, I recognize that we cannot do your counseling.  As much as we want to, it would be unwise for me to push and squeeze into my full life right now.  I am sorry that my blindspot of not living within healthy limits kept you guys waiting.  I should of recognized I had to keep putting it off that I did not have room for it but I guess I wanted to do it so much that I was blinded to the reality of my soul feeling overwhelmed.  This next season is a season to allow my soul to catch up ;).   Sorry again.  I pray the Lord blesses you and your marriage.  Keep serving each other and keep pursuing Jesus individually and as a couple and you will be blessed.”

This email was hard to send but also so freeing to be honest with my limits.  In our culture it is almost honorable to work long hours and be so busy.  I am realizing it is not a badge of honor but actually a badge of foolishness.
 
Here are some of the things I am doing to strengthen my soul:
 
  • I start counseling this Monday.  I am a huge advocate for counseling for others but kept putting it off for myself
  • I am sticking to keeping Sabbath (trying to fully unplug for 24 hours each week) Be Refreshed
  • I am getting some life coaching on taking better care of myself with Replenish 365(true it is a lot more than I spend on myself but I was gifted some money and I figure it is way less than one unit at a college.  I spend more on our dogs in a year;)
  • I am being more intentional for creating silence and solitude in my life.  I want to pause daily (sometimes more than once) and be still and remember he is God. Creating Peace in my Life
  • Walk daily (There are 4 movements that are proved to help when feeling funky: walking, dancing, yoga and cleaning)
  • I am reading Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership and The Best Yes: Making wise choices in the midst of endless demands and Rest Assured: Recovery Plan for Weary Souls.  Reading can make some feel weary but it helps me.
 
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