Feeling Inadequate in "My Pastor’s Wife" Skin

The role of pastor’s wife is not one  I am used to.  It is growing on me but for almost a decade my husband was a youth pastor.  So I was a wife of a pastor but I guess teenagers don’t really have expectations for my role.  Or if they did I did not know so I did not feel a pressure to be something.  I was just myself.

But planting a church changes things like now working with adults.  It is funny, prior to planting I always joked that we would not do the church planting thing because it so unknown,risky and scary but I also joked that Jeremy should not do the lead pastor thing because adults are so much scarier than teenagers. Perhaps because I feel comfortable being my dorky self with teenagers.

Early on this church planting journey Jeremy bought me a book for Christmas, You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes.  This was just a fun book written by a pastor’s wife and what she learned has encouraged me to be myself.

Most often it is the negative chatter in my head that makes me feel inadequate.  It has not been really from people’s expectations but what I fear people feel like I should be as the woman who is married to the pastor.

One silly thing but it is still something that I can feel inadequate in is not being a hugger.  My images of a pastor’s wife is a hugger.  The one who hugs everybody with a warm hug.  Hugging is something I want to grow in but totally not naturally a hugger.  Of the five love languages(click here to find out yours 5lovelanguages) physical touch is not one of mine.  I instead feel loved by acts of service or gifts or even words.  So I am not anti-hugging, I just don’t often think about doing it.  But if I know it is someone’s love language(like my sister and some friends) I try to be mindful and give them a hug because I want them to feel loved.

I can sometimes feel inadequate because I worry I am not doing what others may want me to do.  Some of the roles that can be expected of a pastor’s wife:

  •  leader of our women’s ministry(not even sure what that even is but it is not me)
  •  leader of community service projects
  •  the one who visits sick people in the hospital
Those are just some things that some can expect whether spoken or unspoken.
What has helped me, realizing I will not live up to people’s expectations nor should I aspire to.  I am to live to please and honor God allowing Him to be my only audience.  But the truth is that He is not the only one watching.  
Even though I know I can not live up to people’s expectations, it still stinks knowing I can’t.  I don’t want people to be disappointed when they realize we are really introverts.  I hate letting people down.  Or the fear that we don’t measure up to their last pastor.  It is stinks to know that I will never measure up to everyone’s expectations.  My people pleasing tendency makes it hard.  More on my people pleasing to come in another post. 🙂
I love being married to a pastor and I see it as such a gift to be able to hear people’s stories and to be apart of them.  It is such a gift to be able to speak into people’s lives and I am humbled to have such an opportunity. 
 I don’t wallow in the pit of “I suck”.  Just every now and then -I go there. But there is a soon to be post sharing how I don’t stay there in that feeling inadequate pit.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s