Feeling Inadequate in My Skin Part 1

I am not always been comfortable in my skin and there are still times where I try to be something I am not or I am not living from a place of authenticity.

It was at a recent church planters conference where a pastor’s wife(Keri Weems) shared being at her wit’s end and wanting to quit.  She got to a point of no joy, hit a wall, so tired, not feeling successful on the inside, essentially not feeling adequate enough.  She has a book coming out that I want to get, Rhythms of Grace.  Her message was so good for me so I will share some of it here.

She shared about leading from a place of wholeness and authenticity.  She said there are 3 things every leader needs for longevity:
  1. awareness– being self aware of emotions, motives and how you cause others to feel.  There are 3 assessments to help with becoming self aware:
  • Myers Briggs personality test (you can find a similar test at truity or )
  • Strength Finders 2.0- amazing book with a test to identity your top 5 strengths.  Take test 1st.
  • Emotional Intelligence 2.0 She said most of our conflict is due to our emotional intellgence.  IQ is something fixed and not changing but we can all grow in emotional intelligence
     2.  agency– the will and ability to change things
     3.  authenticity – being who you truly are without regret, guilt or shame

Jeremy started a message series at Story Church on Emotional Health(check out the podcast, Iceberg: There’s More Beneath the Surface).  He shared that we are often self conscious(worried how we are perceived) but not self aware.

Emotional Intellegence 2.0 says,

  • “Self-awareness is your ability to accurately perceive your own emotions in the moment and understand your tendencies across situations.”
  • “People high in self-awareness are remarkably clear in their understanding of what they do well, what motivates and satisfies them, and which people and situations push their buttons.
  • “The only way to genuinely understand your emotions is to spend enough time thinking through them to figure out where they come from and why they are there. Emotions always serve a purpose.”
Keri Weems was saying that we all need to grow in self awareness.  Being self aware is a huge indicator for emotional health.  Self awareness is the ability to step outside myself and see why those around me are reacting a particular way to me.   Self awareness does not mean self-indulgent.  It is not an excuse, “I’m just this way or I’m an introvert so I never want to hang out.”

I know the feeling of being inadequate stems from not knowing fully who God has made me to be and not embracing that reality.  As I grow more in knowing my identity in Christ, what God says about me, the less I wrestle with feeling inadequate.  There is less of a need to compare myself when I realize I live for an audience of one, my God and not living to please others.  I want to grow in my emotional health.  I want to grow in being more self aware.  I want to know who God created me to be so I can be fully that person.

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2 comments

  1. Anonymous · April 29, 2014

    Hey Kimi,

    Thanks for sharing. I have been searching for ways to grow spiritually in many of these areas. In particular, being authentic and true is something that has been a personal struggle. I try to be honest, but I can sometimes be a faker or what John Piper describes as “second hander” – seond handers are people who don’t live from the joy that comes through achieving what they value for its own sake. Below is a more detailed summary from his book. I thought you might find this interesting:

    //From John Piper's book “Desiring God”

    “…First, we just don’t like people who seem to be enamored with their own intelligence or strength or skill or good looks or wealth. We don’t like scholars who try to show off their specialized knowledge or recite for us all their recent publications. We don’t like businessmen who talk about how shrewdly they have invested their money and how they stayed right on top of the market to get in low and out high. We don’t like children to play one-upmanship (Mine’s bigger! Mine’s faster! Mine’s prettier!). And unless we are one of them, we disapprove of
    men and women who dress not functionally and simply, but to attract attention
    with the latest style. Why don’t we like all that? I think at root it’s because such people are inauthentic. They are what Ayn Rand calls “second-handers.” They don’t live from the
    joy that comes through achieving what they value for its own sake. Instead, they
    live secondhand from the compliments of others. They have one eye on their
    action and one on their audience. We simply do not admire second-handers. We
    admire people who are secure and composed enough that they don’t need to shore
    up their weaknesses and compensate for their deficiencies by trying to get compliments.

    For God, praise is the sweet echo of His own excellence in the hearts of His people. For us, praise is the summit of satisfaction that comes from living in fellowship with God.

    PS: this is Lee by the way 🙂

    Like

  2. Kimi · April 29, 2014

    thank you lee for sharing, that was good stuff. God is teaching me so much in this realm of emotional health. I am hooked on these books i am finding on the subject. I am excited to share what I am learning in coming posts.

    Like

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