Geez, that is how I was feeling today at naptime.  Isaiah was testing my gentleness this afternoon. Real nice fit/tantrum before nap.  I am convinced that parenting is the one thing that has tested and shaped my character. It has shaped me more than marriage or any other thing.  God has used it to mold me to be more like his Son, Jesus. 

I started reading this book called How People Change(a free book from bookshout).  Few quotations from it:

My faith journey with Jesus should always reveal to me something that needs to change or an area I need to grow in to become more like Jesus.  It is referred to as a refining process, like a piece of coal being changed to reveal a beautiful diamond.  A piece of coal needs to be exposed to intense pressure and heat to reveal a diamond.  Check out this cool post on found on it.

This naptime- a whole lot of refining.  These trials hopefully change me for the better.  Believe me, many have left me acting more ugly than before the fit.  But if I recognize the trial as an opportunity for growth then the result is so much better than the hard piece of coal I was before.  The refining never ends but i am thankful because I don’t want to stay the way i am forever.   

Parents especially moms are on the fast track of being refined because we are run through the fire multiple times a day(and most times not planned or willingly)!  He knows we can withstand the heat and come out different on the other side(if we allow the change and have eyes to see the opportunities)  

Moms, you’re not alone, every mom gets your struggle, my struggle to be more gentle.  Keep it up. This is all worth it.

My natural tendency is to revert to what I know: yelling, spanking, scolding, etc.

God put the word, gentleness, on my heart 2 years ago and I am still working at it.  I am no where perfect in it but I can tell you God is refining/changing me and I know my kids are thankful for that.

2 years ago, 10 years ago my response to the tantrum would definitely have been my own tantrum with yelling, threatening, swatting, rough with my words and hands.  That would always intensify and prolong the toddler’s fit.  Today I tried something different, I got down at his level and just hugged him.  He tried to stay angry and pull away.  After a few seconds he did and went and laid down.  I then kept rubbing his back, told him I love him and that I want to help him not to throw things when he is angry.  He calmed down said he didn’t want stories today and that he wanted me to go so he could lay down.  I gave him his space and I will talk more with him once he wakes.  

A decade into this parenting thing, finally learning things that I wish I learned sooner but that is ok.  Moving forward and embracing the growth I need.