I am only 3 hours into this month’s retreat and I am already soooo full of gratitude. This is such a lifeline for this juggling mama. I was telling my friend how my barely part-time work substitute teaching has me pooped. She reminded me that I am also full time mom/wife, personal shopper, dishwasher, cook, maid, tutor, counselor, sister, friend and more. I was sharing I wish I could just be these full-time things and not work outside of our home because home/family management alone is a full-time gig. But I know this is just a season. My saint of hubby is working so hard to figure out ways to bring in more income so I can operate in my sweetest spot which is home. I remember a mentor once saying that there are many things that we can do very well but that does not mean we should be doing them. Just because I have the ability to be an excellent elementary school teacher does not mean I should go back to that. I got my college degree in teaching but each season has new opportunities and responsibilities. So I must follow the path where I have the most peace. So for now I am welcoming the opportunity to sub and waiting for other doors to open for some of my dreams of writing and becoming a spiritual director.

When I got here I checked my hundreds of emails. This is so not something that I do on these restorative times but I got distracted looking for a work email.

I then hopped on my bike and took a 45 minute bike stroll. Don’t think sweaty. Think cruising. This gorgeous campground may have a dozen booked sites so it truly feels like I got this place all to myself as I bike and rarely see another human. I got to the same place where I saw the bald eagle last month and there perched very near was a large red-tail hawk and I got to watch it also fly away. So cool!!! I also found a pretty branch with amber colored dried leaves. It was about 4 feet long. It reminded me of a friend’s Target fall decor. I thought how lovely it would look broken into smaller segments and put into vases. So I lugged it on my bike back to my campsite. I could hear my teens in my head, “Seriously mom?!?!” And hear their horror of embarrassment as I cruised with it on my handlebars. But I told myself what I tell them all the time, “I’m free. I don’t live worried what others might think.”

After my bike ride, I watched the sunset in the hammock my hubby set up for me. I was thinking – why don’t I create these beautiful moments when I am in my everyday life? I know these retreats are like self-care on steroids but why not bring even a fraction of this joy back home with me. I think us humans can so easily get caught up in the urgent, tackling what “has” to get done but we miss the boat with the opportunities for joy in the here and now. This is so true especially for women who often focus on the needs of others yet ignoring their own. I believe we can better care for others when we first care for ourselves. A friend once gave me this wise nugget during one of my many seasons of burnout- “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” My spiritual director also said that only I can keep self-care on my plate, no one else will do that for me.

I stayed in the hammock til it was almost dark then I ran to the store to get food for my 24 hours. Normally I like to prepare and have had already done this but did not get a chance to this time. I came back to the camper and ate my dinner then began to write and work on this post.

Nestled in the camper I feel so safe. I feel so grateful. We bought this camper in hopes of my time together making memories. My middle teens are not quite ready to go camping again since we spent almost 47 days living in here while we waited to buy a home. When I mention camping, they exclaim, “NO, Mom!! Too much trauma.” I know, a tad bit dramatic. My daughter is actually in theater but they both give a great performance. I know it was not easy for them but for me this camper represents safety. I was so thankful we had a place to keep our family safe and warm. My youngest has asked a few times since why do we now live in a big house and states he’d prefer to live in the camper. It was not easy but it was simple. We were together more. There was less to distract us and pull us apart with our own rooms, stuff, and devices/screens. I had way less cleaning so there was more of me available. I did not have home/yard projects. All that to say, this camper represents refuge in so many ways.

No wonder my eyes are gettin heavy- it is 9:50p.m. Time to brush and tuck myself in bed. Well…. I actually read a chapter in Mockingjay before crushing.

I set my alarm for 7:00am but did not roll out of bed til 10:40am. I have til 5:30 pm for my retreat so I could afford to sleep in.

I decided to get up and journal outside on the picnic table. It is only 63 degrees which is much nicer than the 91 degrees on my last retreat.

I laced up and went for a 2 mile walk. Think casual, take my time pace and not Disneyland trying to make this huge expense worth it pace. It is so nice to have the margin not to hurry. I am just enjoying.

Came back sat in the hammock for awhile listening to a podcast I really wanted to finish. So this is a loosely “silent” retreat. I try my best to be quiet. I am not making phone calls. I do my best to do things that lend to a quiet and peaceful time. It was a podcast on a topic that I am trying to make a decision on so it was welcomed in this quiet space where I could listen, pause it as needed and take notes on it.

While doing this I got a text from a friend sharing she just miscarried a baby. So thankful for the quiet and undistracted time to lean into this, listen, and encourage. She said I helped give language to a lot of thoughts and emotions that she hadn’t thought about yet or processed through. So I decided to write a blogpost on the topic to hopefully encourage others too.

Words are important to me. They feel like a gift from God. He has allowed me the insight to speak into things and bring encouragement to help others feel seen and heard. I find that writing is a key expression while away on these retreats. As I allow my own cup to be filled- I am then better equipped to pour into others. When my oldest heard that I was having my busy-bee youngest stay the 2nd night with me in the camper, she exclaimed, “WHY?!?! Why would you do that after a great time away?” I said it is actually a perfect time because I feel filled and better able to love others (even others that take way more patience). In 2 hours my 24 hours will be up and I will have my 7 year old join me for some special mom time. He will ditch school tomorrow to spend more special time together. Off to take a 30 min nap while I can.

Got up and read some a book I have been hoping to read called Let Kids be Kids and journaled significant quotations. Ill keep reading until my munchkin to arrive.

Cost of this retreat:

• Lodging: $41 for a night at the campground
• Food: $28 quick grocery run for 3 meals and ample snacks and ice cream;)

Total cost: $69- soul maintenance retreat- priceless