…even if it is by yourself.

I remember 2 weeks after our son came to us through foster care- I had a panic attack. I knew then that I needed to change things up. I NEEDED to better care for myself. My spiritual director/friend shared something that forever stuck with me. She said, “Only you can keep self-care on your plate.” As much as a spouse or friends may love you, they cannot be the ones that make sure you are cared for. Those for me, the friends that I feel the most tenderhearted towards are the ones who are tenderhearted towards me and ask me how I am doing and proactively see if I am caring for myself. So loved ones can definitely help me with my self care or like my husband can support my efforts by taking the kids out for hours so I can have a quiet house to myself. But I must be the one who is intentional and purposeful in the care of my own mind, body and soul.

Today after working my 2nd job, the sun was setting and casting the most beautiful colors. It was 4:20p.m and I knew in this December evening if I drove home I would miss all the beauty. So I decided spontaneously to just walk right there near my office. I work for a friend who home office is in beautiful orange groves. I have a hope to walk a mile day as many days as I can each month. I knew this was my opportunity and likely the only opportunity I would have to walk alone. I then and there realized I deserved this gift to myself. It dawned on me that for the last 10 hours I have not done anything for myself but giving of my time and energy to others. But isn’t this so typical for women in general? Our caretaker nature often takes over and then we end our days deleted and wonder why. I know this is certainly true for myself as a mom. I can totally confess that I at times have had a martyr complex and “look at all I do for you guys.” But that just does zero good. It robs myself of the joy of serving and robs my family of peace and joy because who wants to be around a grumpy mom. Trust me, there are times when we need to give our kids a reality check when they complain of their 1 or 2 chores they have.

Okay, circling back around to my point: I deserved this this pocket of time to give myself this gift. So for me, walking outside is a true gift. I am a naturalist and that is how I connect with myself and God. Gary Thomas wrote a book called Sacred Pathways and he believes there are 9 pathways that we most often connect with God. For me a walk hits my top 3. #1 being a naturalist so being outside to enjoy this beauty makes me feel so very alive. #2 ascetic: meaning I connect with God and therefore myself through solitude and simplicity. These people live a fundamentally internal existence. So being on a walk I can be alone with my thoughts. LOVE IT!!! #3 contemplative: I connect with God through adoration and focusing on friendship with God. So all that to say, this walk filled my cup in more ways than one. It also lead to me wanting to write this. My heart being that I want to encourage others to better nurture themselves while at the same time caring for myself.

So the last 2 months I have printed a daily habit tracker. I wrote out 8 things that would help me to care for myself. I realized I wanted to prioritize self care in this season because I am newly working mom so learning to juggle it all has been a STRUGGLE. Then 4 months ago an ultrasound showed that my uterus lining was thicker than normal due to increased cell growth which is a possible cancer concern. The needed biopsy showed it was benign but just over a week ago I had surgery to remove the benign polyp. This added effort for self care is in an attempt to be kind and gentle with myself. This is my first time learning to be a mom. This is my first time needing surgery as an adult. This is all new and deserves gentleness as I navigate new places.

I was inspired recently by a book called All it Takes is a Goal. Author Jon Acuff said to cut your goal in half so if I want to walk a mile every day this month then I decided if I walked at least 10 times this month then it would be a huge win for me. This halfing my goals has been very effective. Last month I walked 15 days. And most the time once I am already walking I tend to walk more than my hoped mile but even if just 1 mile this is HUGE for me. I walked 25.5 miles this past month!!!! Are you serious, Clark?!?!

Another of my goals is to write 100 words a day. If I do this just 10 times in a month I feel thankful. I find once I start writing then the creativity just flows. So I ended up just writing 5 days last month. But wait for how many words I wrote???? A total of 3,985 words!!!! So writing is amazing self care for me. To be in my thoughts and the process of writing/typing ends up pulling more out of my heart than if I just thought about things. So that is a win. But this is also a win because I have a few books burning in my heart that I need to get out of me and share with the world.

Another self care goal is to make my bed. I know this may sound weird but walking into my room and seeing my bed look all nice just lifts my spirits. It is nice when I keep my bedroom clean so that it feels like a sanctuary, a place to retreat to. A refuge to meditate/pray in. To be honest, most of my married life, our bedroom has been the place where I throw all the junk so the rest of my house doesn’t look as bad.

Another habit/goal to care for myself is having a cleared off desk. Piles of paper stress me out. Right now I can see at least 7 piles on my dresser and desk. So my hope is that at least 10 days this month I will have a cleared off desk. On my desk I have a super cute vintage teal typewriter. It is my middle daughter. She is a 7 on the enneagram and it was during her vintage era as a middle schooler. It was not in use and I asked if I could keep it on my desk to inspire me to write. Metaphorically that is because ain’t nobody have time to use a typewriter anymore.

Each month I am also striving to read at least 10 minutes a day/for at least 10 days this month. I heard the question: what is the one thing if you did not get a chance to do that day then you would be bummed about missing it? For me that is definitely reading. I LOVE TO READ. Books make me soooo happy. I set a low goal of 10 minutes but I find that most days I blow this out of the park. Last month I only made time for reading on 9 days but I read 4 hours and 50 minutes. I count audiobooks because the purpose for me is not the act of reading itself but enjoying books in all their forms.

Centering prayer/mediation is another way I want to be gentle with myself. 8 times this past month is way more than I usually would take this quiet time. Yoga is a way that I nurture my body with the slow stretches that truly feel like a massage afterwards. I cared for myself in this way, 7 times!!! I cannot tell you how many late nights my husband has heard me woefully say, “Man, I need to do yoga more.” He would say, “Then you should just do it.” This is so much easier for him to say. By nature he is way more of a disciplined person than this 9 (Enneagram) whose leans more toward slothfulness.

I do have some goals where it is obvious that I may need to change my expectations or just ditch the goal like taking vitamins. I took vitamins 2 days last month. But this is one that I want to keep to help my next labwork to be better in areas that I am deficient in. But I need to figure out a habit I can stack this onto.

I have loved this free habit tracker, morningmotivatedmom.com I found. At the bottom it has a space for this month’s priorities. So for me I wrote in “self-care”. Under that it says, “Did my month line up with my priorities?” I can gladly shout “YES!!!!” Can I do better? Of course but this tracking numbers has really turned it into a game like Jon Acuff said it would. Normally I would have all these as daily goals and if I did not do them all then I felt like I sucked. But have this written tracking method I can clearly see how often I “won”. There is no competition but just myself wanting more for myself.