I am less than a mile from home but feels like a million miles away sitting under these glorious pines. Hubby was so sweet to set up our camper at a local campground so I could enjoy 24 hours to myself. First things first- sit and do nothing. I get out my little beach chair and find a spot in the shade. I am surprised that the shade is refreshing on this 90 degree day. But that is the amazing thing about dry heat, it feels way more bearable. I decide to fill my dish bucket with 2 inches of water in to soak my feet in as I chill. I sit, stare at trees, close my eyes as needed and enjoy the fabulous breeze the first hour. I find that I often need this time to just decompress. I just rest and enjoy the simple gifts before me. I was thinking how rarely at home do I even take time to enjoy the gift of shade under a tree. I pretty much never sit outside and enjoy creation. These retreats remind of the gifts available to me if I choose to open them.

There have been times in my life where I would take a beach chair and sit under a tree. This was a regular practice, multiple times a day about 10 years ago when I first experienced paralyzing anxiety. I had my first panic attack and for months after that I NEEDED this practice to just ground myself. When I would literally feel the anxiety in my limbs, I took the initiative to go sit under our many pines when we lived in NC. I would sit and simply watch the boughs bend and sway for as long as I needed before my heart/body settled. It was often about 15 minutes. I would also go lay in the hammock or on our giant trampoline and stare up at the trees until peace returned. Many times I would nod off before realizing peace had resided over me. Like many struggles/trials, I would not choose to return to that place of anxiety but I am so very grateful for the treasures I discovered because of the trial. It was in this season (mid-30s) I realized the precious gift of stillness, silence and solitude. I had no idea the power of intentionally pausing and resting in His creation. It was in this season I read the Seven Sacred Pauses and learned of the practice of Catholic monks to purposely pause every few hours. The author calls this daily moments, mini soul retreats.

This 24 hours away is like a mega soul retreat;).

Being at this RV site I am not actually totally alone and silent. There are families on either site beside me but none of the noise is my noise. One of the sweetest gift of these retreats is that I can take a break from being needed. My youngest has a high need of mental stimulation so boredom is very difficult for him hence why we will often hear, “Can you play with me?” So sitting here at this picnic table I am not needed to entertain him. I am not needed to sew anyone’s costume, wash anyone’s shorts, make dinner and put anyone to bed. I am insanely grateful for the gift of being a mama but once a month it is really nice to pay sole attention to what I need.

It was getting close to the end of the month and I realized I had not yet got away for retreat. I knew the last weekend of the month hubby was going away to dove hunt with friends so this weekend was my last chance to steal away. So 2 nights ago my saint of a hubby found one last spot available for tonight at this campground. This is our first time using our camper since we lived in it 5 months ago. In a season of 47 days we were mobile bouncing from this RV park, AIRBnbs and hotels as we waited to find and buy a home that felt right. My middle son is not ready to camp again, understandably so since it was a stressful time of close quarters. But I can only feel so much gratitude for that season and the luxury of owning something we could live in temporarily. I am thankful for the simplicity of our things in that season. I am thankful for the literal closeness with my kids. I am thankful for how our faith was grown in that time of trusting and waiting for God to provide. So now these future uses remind me of a season of dependence on the Lord. It was not easy but so much good fruit came from it, so many treasures were unearthed in that trial.

Food is an important piece of these retreats. I bring snacks and food that I delight in. I found these epic Lemoncello chocolate almonds by Scones Chocolates. They are roasted almonds covered in white chocolate and lemon cream. After my hour of decompression it is time for these treats. I also asked hubby to bring and set up my hammock I forgot at home. I have not enjoyed our hammock in over a year. This is another sweet reminder of a gift that I need to open when I am at home as well.

These retreats are a reset for my soul. I think margin/space are huge components of that reset. Just having space to breathe and rest as needed is so restorative. I mean who doesn’t need space to just breathe. I remember recently telling another mama of this monthly practice and with much longing in her voice she replied, “I want one of those.” Makes me think of the scene in Napoleon Dynamite when the wife tells her husband of her longing for the Tupperware that the door to door salesman is offering, “I WANT that!!”

I believe the beauty of nature is another huge component for me. As a naturalist (one of the ways I connect with the divine, idea based off of the book, Sacred Pathways) I need nature to restore me. I need nature to feel connected to who I truly am which then naturally connects me to my Creator. Knowing how nature has the ability to restore, I long to get my family out of our routine and into the outdoors. I have a crazy dream to monthly take this camper out into the world. Just from the financial perspective I want to make this purchase of our used camper worth it. But more importantly I want my kids to see more of the beautiful world out there. It is too tempting to allow screens to numb us with entertainment. The designers have made them so fireworks go off in our brains when we get likes or followers or binge watch the latest series. But I long to have my kids feel a different kind of fireworks. I want them to feel deep awe and wonder that lasts in their spirits. Momentary pleasure comes from scrolling and beating the next level on a video game but joy is available through traditions, memory making, exploration and adventure. I bought some silly gas station stickers for my water bottle to remind me of what my heart longs for and not to settle til I make it priority. “Life is better around the campfire” (this one is a little tricky finding places in CA allowing campfires). “Making memories one campsite at a time” “May the forest be with you”. I know cheesy to my teens but this resonates with my heart and I will work to make it happen as the time flies with the kids being in the nest as we already have one working on year 2 of college.

I am loving sitting at this table looking at the hills while writing on my laptop. True it is a screen but it is more of a tool to do what brings me delight, write. It feels like a far off dream to have many others be encouraged by my writing but I will keep showing up and trust that the doors will open in God’s timing. Until then I will continue to write because it brings me personal joy and pray that one day it will bring encouragement to more than just robot blog followers. 😉

Off to ride my bike throughout this lovely campground…. I rode for about 45 minutes as the sun was setting. DELIGHTFUL!!!! During these retreat times I am aspiring to be off my phone but I had to text my fam and tell them what happened. I had saw a large bald eagle perched on the water’s edge of the lake so I parked my bike to watch it. It then took off into the air and flew directly above my head!!! A BALD EAGLE!!!! Just feet away from me as I watched it soar right over me. This is the awe kind of stuff I’m hoping for my kiddos.

I came back, sat in the hammock and lounged back watching the colors of the sky change as the sun set behind the hills. For a solid 30 minutes I was still, just watching. I was not multitasking with texting, listening to anything, reading or folding laundry. I was just still. At home it almost like I feel like I can’t afford stillness because I feel like there is too much to do. I am mostly just still when I am sleeping. But here there is no to-do list, baskets of laundry, dirty dishes in the sink or even a squirrely chihuahua mix that whines until I get down on the floor and play with him. My soul could benefit more from stillness. I want to lean into these disciplines as preventative soul care instead of only using them when I feel overwhelmed and desperate. The triplets of sanity: stillness, silence and solitude.

It’s literally 8:10p.m and I am ready for bed. Here’s a crazy thought- I am going to sleep since I am sleepy. Normally I have just one more thing to do before that turns into a long list and I ultimately crash into bed. I am not needed to tuck anyone into bed so I am tucking myself in.

Rude awakening to loud yard blowers right outside my camper bedroom window. True it was 11:00a.m and the crew was getting the sites ready for the next arrivals. Several times I stirred awake but felt so tired that I chose not to get up. I was battling if this was wasting my retreat but then realized retreat is for rest and if I need to sleep then I will be okay with sleeping.

Hearing the blowers I jumped up and looked out the window and say my 7 year old and hubby riding up on their bikes to come hook up the camper to the truck. When my youngest is excited, it amps up his voice volume and word count. So I do wish I was up at least an hour before both of these noisy events to give my soul space to wake up. I assumed I would naturally wake early and take another bike read then come back and read and journal. But my body had other plans. Sometimes we need to slow down to let our bodies catch up with us.

This retreat was shy of a full 24 hours with it being 20 hours. We already booked 2 nights next month so I get my full amount and I can have my munchkin hangout with me the 2nd night to help fill his love bucket.

Cost of this retreat:

• Lodging: $41 for a night at the campground
• Food: free since I brought it from home so it was not an additional cost

Total cost: $41- soul maintenance retreat- priceless