I was driving on the freeway and I see a car with the owner’s Instagram handle. I am shocking myself right now that I even know that word- handle.

I think how odd this is as someone who grew in a time before computers, internet and social media. I was thinking what the equivalent would be “back in my day.” It would have been like me driving my Ford Pinto with a sticker with my name and phone number. Regularly and publicly sharing one’s social media handle is totally normal and ok for Gen Z and younger. Okay, younger crowd track with me as I unpack this. So the thought of some weirdo on the freeway seeing me and then me sharing my phone number with him is beyond wacky. And sharing one’s Instagram is sooooo much more than sharing my house phone number back in the 90s. If hundreds of creepy freeway strangers started calling me at home, I could just choose not to answer my phone. If I did not want them to leave a message on my answering machine then I could unplug it or take the phone off the hook so that they would get a busy signal.

But with a social media handle, not only do you give them access to you, they can call, they can leave any cuckoo message they want, they can comment on your lunch choice or your outfit. So being connected to people outside of your safe space is like inviting weirdos, acquaintances, revivals, and enemies into your living room. We are inviting people in our safe space and giving them access to our hearts. And why do we think this is okay? Just because everyone else is doing it. We want to increase our “influence” on other people but do we stop to think of the influence that it is having on us?

Let’s just play this out in real life:

“Hey creepy old dude winking at me on the freeway, here are all my pics of me in my bikini on vacation… Oh, you prefer younger? Here’s my teen daughter and young son by the pool.”

“Oh hi, jealous high school classmate, what was that? You think I think look like a fat slut in my prom dress…. no prob. Hang out in my living room while I show you all the intimate events of my life.”

“Hello, former college acquaintance, you want to see what I ate for lunch today?”

You get the picture.

Why do we have these huge amounts of people peering into our lives? We hope to become “influencer” status??? Perhaps that will gain us money, fame and power. Perhaps you are more altruistic and hope to help many people with your influence but at what cost is it to you? How is this helping you?

• Ever feel behind because you have several photos you want to post?
• Feel obligated to answer a random stranger’s DM?
• Spend minutes, hours fretting over a filter to use or just the right words to post?
• Been busy editing a reel while your toddler tugs at your pant leg?
• Sit next to your spouse scrolling in bed when time would be better used doing other things with your spouse?
• Pissed after reading a friend’s political rant?
• Angry after seeing so much division?
• Feel inferior after watching several reels of people getting fake teeth, bodies, hair etc?

I just found that the positives did not outweigh the negatives. I did not feel like I was gaining peace from it. I do not feel like it added joy. It certainly added laughter at times. But it mostly was a distraction and a way to numb out instead of doing hard things like writing my book, cleaning my toilet or folding the laundry that has sat on my bed for a week.

In a way I am exposing myself by having a public blog for any random stranger to read. I have pondered a lot about disabling the comment feature because I do not want to allow my heart to receive feedback from anyone I do not trust. I mostly see it as an outlet to be creative. I can see how I was creative in my Instagram reels but it ended up feeling far more consuming of my heart than expressing of my heart. I guess I am not really worried right now because 19 of my 20 subscribers are robots. One day my heart would be to just write books and articles that I put out into the world and pray they bless others. Many have said that I need social media to “promote” my stuff. I guess I am just comfortable creating then trusting and waiting if greater impact is for me. Believing my work will encourage those it is meant to encourage and believing I can positively impact those who cross my path even if I do not ever become an “influencer”.