You are not alone. There are many who have felt and are currently feeling all you are feeling. Just know whatever you are feeling is okay. We have been given our feelings and we do not need to feel shame for what pops up.

It is normal that you feel loss. This is a HUGE loss. It is normal to feel grief. There is not only a little life that is lost but hopes and dreams that began to form in your heart. Dreams of this little one being cousins with your siblings kids. Dreams of what he/she might look like, smell like, feel like, sound like. Dreams of that connection with another tiny human being. Dreams of possible names and the significance of those names. Dreams of your other child becoming a big brother/big sister. Dreams of how this new larger family will exist.

It is normal to feel relief. Relief that you lost this baby earlier on then later. Relief perhaps because you did not feel financially ready. You do not need to feel shame for what you are feeling. Allow the emotions to come and sometimes go.

It is normal to feel anger. It is okay to shake your fist towards the heavens because you have been trying to get pregnant for longer than you hoped. It is okay to feel angry because this is not how it is supposed to be.

Your feelings are not strange or weird. They just are. Allow yourself to express them as needed. Punch a pillow. Soak a pillow with your tears. Scream.

I know many of these feelings because I too lost a baby. This was over 15 years ago and this loss still resurfaces. A few weeks ago I wondered if I would have had another red-head child. I know a silly thing to wonder but a smile was brought to my face thinking of this other child and the joy of meeting him or her in heaven one day.

The baby we lost was my 2nd pregnancy. My plan was to space my kids two years apart. But it took us almost 4 years to get pregnant after our first. This was not in my plans. Then to lose that baby after eagerly awaiting another pregnancy was hard. We then got pregnant again 4 months later with our daughter Joy. We named her Joy because that is what we felt when we got pregnant again. I realize now that we would not know our Joy Joy if we had not lost that baby. Of course I would not have chosen to miscarry but I am so very thankful for our daughter now. So often there is not sufficient answers/reasons for pain and suffering. Life is both sorrows and joys and that sucks in the times of suffering and loss.

May you allow yourself to feel what you need to feel. May you allow yourself to grieve as long as you need to and however you need to.

Remember those around you are doing their best to support you in this time even if they fumble and say and do dumb stuff. Praying that you will be connected with another mama who can look you in the eyes and say, “Me too” and give you a giant hug. Know you are dearly loved and may you feel held in this time.